barbie dolls, junk food and just damn pretty

i bought babybug a barbie doll today.  actually two.  the first was at walmart.  she was the "teacher" barbie.  as if "teacher" is some kind of justification.  i rejected the doctor and veterinarian because the teacher had a cute calico dress on.  hey, at least i told the truth.  later, we went to the mall for dinner.  at kaybee, "great date" barbie was on sale for only three dollars!  how could i pass that by?!  i'm humored and confused as to why the heck did i buy them?  in college i swore if i ever had a daughter, i'd NEVER buy her a barbie doll.  i was on a rampage about the whole image and representation of barbie dolls.  by the way, i never had one when i was a child.  so, maybe i'm living out some unconscious desire for a barbie doll.  or, maybe it was the way babybug called out for it in the isle.  geez, i fell for "great date" barbie!  i didn't even bother to look if there was an asian barbie.   

another thing husband and i were determined not to do was emphasize looks if we had a daughter.  this sort of ties in with the barbie issue.  we agreed about never telling our daughter how pretty she looked.  she would simply look nice, just nice.  instead, we use adjectives like smart, funny and clever.  i know, really lame.  for me it was all over once i walked into baby gap.  husband lost it when he held her right after delivery.  we had a girl and couldn't stop gushing.  now he'll redo her barrette because he thinks her hair looks ugly (and not pretty).  i see him smile and glow when strangers say she's a cutie or just damn pretty.  yes, and me posting whatever cute pictures there are of her.  i don't think i've ever posted about how smart, funny and clever she is.  who knew...

...i'd give my child junk food!  i remember how husband and i chastised his sister after a family party.  how could she give her son chips right before dinner?  what about her stupid excuse that she couldn't say no?  doesn't she have a backbone?   the other day babybug found the big bag of jellybeans.  she looked so cute when i caught her, i let her enjoy herself for a while.  all i thought was go for it!  when she asks, i'll give her a handful.  today i shoved two cookies in babybug's mouth on the way to walmart.  for dinner she had a cheeseburger happy meal and fries.  the horror...heehee.    

the thing is that i'm doing all kinds of things i swore i'd never do.  i used to see mothers and think if had a baby i'd never let myself go out in public looking like THAT!  now, i'll dress babybug in one of those cute dresses and put on whatever clean old navy shirt i can find.  who cares if my black shirt has "slug marks" all over it.  you know, the drool and mucous from babybug.  my hair goes up in a bun and i try to forget that i didn't shave my legs for a week.  what happened to i'd never go out in public looking like that? 

here's the profound part..sigh..you just never know, do you?  i never thought i'd love something as much as i love this child.  never ever thought...i'm crying now :)

            

Comments

[Alicia A.]

Tasha,

We all just do our best, huh? All the plans get thrown out of the window when these sweet (and pretty!) little people come into our lives.

[beki]

It's amazing how we change once we have children. I can attest to doing numerous things I once said I would never do. We're all just trying to do the best we can to raise healthy, happy children.

[capello]

Oh, look how little babybug is in the last photo!

That's the thing with kids. We think we are going to act one way and life is going to be one way and then it gets switched around topsy-turvey and we do the best we can.

And really, by letting her have cookies and candy occasionally, you're teaching her not to gorge on it in the future (the "forbidden fruit" concept). So really, you're helping her :)

[joanna]

I can totally relate. Before I had kids I said I'd never take them to that horrible Toys-R-Us. Didn't want them to become materialistic. Turned out that was one of the first places we brought Davey after he was born and have been regulars ever since. You and your babybug look beautiful in that picture.

[Angela]

Oh Tasha that is such a beautiful photo! And both she and you are gorgeous! HA!
I did/do the same things. Ihave some basic ground rules that always stay and am slowly letting other things slip by. I'm sure that will happen more and more through the years.

[p]

I think you struck a chord with most parents there! My daughter has 11 barbies if it's any consulation (we said the exact same thing - no barbies blah blah bad images of women blah blah but she just loves all the 'stuff'!).

The thing you realise when they arrive is that you are the best role model of all and that they have strong personalities of their own, whatever you do :)

[ruralmama]

I had plans too! I was so sure that I would NEVER do that or this like him or her... hahaha.

Now I go with what I think is working the best for ALL of us. Being flexible and adapting is NOT a bad thing. :)

[Amy]

I know, I know, I know. Cannot tell you how many times we've had to eat our words. It is lovely that having kids makes you rethink and rethink and rethink.

And that photo is absolutely stunning. It captures so much.

[le chat qui coud]

it's amasing .... i read your memo and i recognise myself....
honestly, your litle girl is pure beauty!!!! Before to be a mother, i though also a lot of thinks : what i will do, what i will never do en so on.... but when she was born, and the second also, my live was completly changed.... i was completly changed. But i've never feel me so alive sinds this day....
sorry for my bad english, i hope you understand!